With this week being an international break, I was actually considering having a week off from writing, assuming that not much would be going on in the Arsenal world.
Monday may have been what has become as much of a yearly fixture in the football calendar as the FA Cup Final and a six-month injury lay-off for an Arsenal player - Transfer Deadline Day – but as Arsenal fans, we’ve learned over the years that day has often ended in disappointment.
Like that summer I spent trying to figure out how to pronounce “Higuain”, only to find out it was actually pronounced “Sanogo”….
Having spent a while trying - and failing - to flog what is these days commonly known as “deadwood”, even the most hardened punter wouldn’t have bet much on much happening at Arsenal on Monday.
(Our record of selling players has led me to believe we would have more luck just putting them on eBay as actual deadwood.)
Well… how wrong was I??!!
I’m writing this on Wednesday evening, as I needed a day or two to get everything that happened straight in my head.
2020 has thrown things at us that many of us would never have expected to witness in our lifetime but never in my wildest dreams could I imagine that, in years to come, when my Grandchildren are perched on my knee, eyes wide in excitement begging me “Grandad, tell us about what happened in 2020 pleeeeease!!!” I would begin with “well, there was this bloke in a dinosaur suit…”
(The whole thing seems even more unreal typing it out and reading it back if I’m honest, so apologies if I’ve got some of the finer details wrong!)
On Transfer Deadline Morning, the news broke that the club mascot, Gunnersaurus, had been made redundant (well, not the dinosaur, the man in the suit – Jerry Quy. It’s not a real dinosaur but, for the purpose of the story, it works a lot better if you think of him as Gunnersaurus) while there were no fans in stadiums at least (a fact that seems to have been somewhat overlooked. I mean, what was he supposed to do, just turn up at the ground walking around in full costume? People have been carted off by the men in white suits for less than that!)
After the news over the weekend that Aouar was staying put, it looked like there was a good chance that this was going to be the only movement in or out of the club for the day.
Then, during the afternoon, news started to spread that Arsenal were willing to pay the 50m Euro release clause for Thomas Partey, sending the Arsenal online world into a frenzy not seen since Aubameyang tweeted that egg-timer emoji, the infamous “week of umlauts” in 2013, or when someone discovered that Samir Nasri’s Twitter password was “password” after a visit from the Drip Doctors.
It’s quite something starting the day with low expectations then witnessing Arsenal Twitter in its full glory just a few hours later.
I suspect any employer mental enough to employ anyone from Arsenal Twitter didn’t exactly witness much productivity that afternoon either. Unless they’ve employed someone purely to come up with footballers’ name related puns.
Just 48 hours since such chestnuts as “Cometh the Auoar, Cometh the Man” had been deleted from the drafts, Twitter was awash with every song containing the word “party” that has ever been released.
I reckon if you started to count the #ParteyTime tweets on Monday, there’s a good chance you wouldn’t be finished yet.
I’m not sure there’s an entry in the Guinness Book of Records for “number of links posted to a Beastie Boys song on Social Media in one afternoon”, but if there is, it’s ours.
The manner in which we signed Partey was rather pleasing too, leading Atletico Madrid to put out a tweet akin to “MUM….IT’S NOT FAIR!!!!”
If you’re gonna f**k The Arsenal about all summer, expect sh*thousing, lads.
That was it. The online world of Arsenal was a happy one. Well, mostly, but we’re not really counting people that think of “The Window” as some kind of competition, are we?
Rating “The Window” out of ten is right up there with tweeting happy birthday to an ex-player that doesn’t even have Twitter on the “go outside and make some friends, mate” scale as far as I’m concerned.
After all of that excitement, with the international break upon us, all we had to do now was complain about how annoying it is that we have to wait an extra week for Partey’s debut.
Yeah, alright, have you actually met The Arsenal, mate?
Enter Mesut Özil!
Before I start, I just want to clarify that I’m not getting involved in any debate or expressing an opinion one way or another on this.
There is absolutely no point.
It’s just two “sides” that will never budge.
One side, he could rescue their mother from a burning building and they would still question why he hasn’t saved more mums from burning buildings for that £350k per week.
The other side, he could throw their mother into a burning building and they would put it down as a great assist, and someone would produce a video montage of Özil throwing peoples old ladies into burning buildings.
Anyway, to cut a mind-numbingly long story short, Özil announced on Tuesday that, well, let’s just put the tweet up shall we….
"I was so sad that Jerry Quy aka our famous & loyal mascot @Gunnersaurus and integral part of our club was being made redundant after 27 years. As such, I’m offering to reimburse @Arsenal with the full salary of our big green guy as long as I will be an Arsenal player.. "
Great gesture? PR move? Dig at the club?
All of the above?
As I said, I’m not getting into it, but there’s no way I could ignore it either! I’ll let you make your own minds up. I’m sure most of you already have.
On the subject of whether Özil should have gone public with this or not, though, would it not have looked a bit weird if nobody knew about it, and it looked as if Gunnersaurus was just turning up at the stadium like David Brent after Wernham Hogg made him redundant?
( "Erm...I don't want to worry anyone, but that dinosaur bloke's here again..." )
Or does it mean that Gunnersaurus works for Özil now? I have visions of him doing odd jobs around the house – in full costume, like some sort of dinosaur housekeeper, before settling down for a game of Fortnite with Mesut of an evening.
When Özil leaves, does Gunnersaurus go with him?
These are the questions that really need answering.
If Amazon Prime are happy to film a complete season of following Jose Mourinho around, then Christ knows what they will pay for “At Home With Mesut & Gunnersaurus”……
“All or Nothing”???
Lads, this season we’ve had Arteta saving thousands of lives by contracting Covid-19, Bellerin planting trees and now Özil’s out there preventing a dinosaur going extinct.
The Arsenal are saving the world!
Beats Harry Kane spitting all over everyone at half time don’t it???
So, there you have it.
Let’s face it, only Arsenal could drop £45m on a player on Monday night, and have fans talking more about a player paying the mascots wages by Tuesday afternoon.
If you needed any more convincing that football is a soap opera, then hopefully this week will do the trick. All that news, all that drama and there hasn’t even been a game this week!!
Wenger’s book next…. Blimey!
Until next week.
Up The Arsenal.